space looks very beautiful today

Last nights rain must have cleansed extra particular matter from the skies. the most beautiful blue between the cotton clouds.

Those moments, the bluest blues, the glint and shimmer, the smile of birds and the gentle sounds of their beating wings. these are the moments the fatalist in me takes note of. Remember this I tell myself, because one day there may be no birds. the sky may never be this blue again. Fatalism doesn’t have to be depressing although the condition of the world does have me living in a constant haze of depression, but fatalism can be somewhat liberating. I have an acute appreciation of every pleasantry i come across, every memory of what was and what is has some value because I see it all slipping away into a dark future fashion by human ignorance and greed.

I’ll let my inner misanthrope shine today because on the weekends, when i get time, i always slip into that mindset. maybe my mindless banausic job is of some benefit? if only because it robs me of time to actually think about the state of the world or analyze the actions of humanity around the globe… see capitalism works! it stupefies us all, leaves us without time or energy to  consider what is actually happening…

I have to admit I have begun to wallow in a place of inaction, not because I don’t care, but because it hurts to much to care openly, to try and fight the overwhelming sea of madness that is taking us to the brink… The fight seems to me entirely futile, no one is actually willing to sacrifice enough to stop the train barreling out of control. You see them paying lip service in public forums…. seems lip service is trending… but what has changed? 2013 the world pumped more carbon into the atmosphere than ever before, no one nation of any consequence had meaningful reductions in CO2… political inaction, industrial inaction, and individual inaction has lead us exactly down the worse case scenario path, as it has for the last 3 and a half decades (the time frame in which the public began to become aware of the dire nature of the problems)

(distraction moment: a small herd of deer eating apple leaves when i stepped out for a smoke just now. immense beauty in those gentle eyes. watching 3 generations  in the simple act of obtaining nourishment reminds me why life is so amazing… and inspires a great deal of anger as I watch the tiny buck with his little antler numbs just starting to form, knowing his future is at the receiving end of a hunters gun. Some fucker who will go on a serial killing spree next fall for the pure pleasure of taking a life…. wild animals don’t live long lives out here to many killer monkeys rampaging in the forests…. ok turn anger off, back to rant)

Are we worth saving?

I see this question pop up in a lot of the articles i read. the self preserving optimists always have a sentence somewhere in those meandering paragraphs stating they think we are… My response has always been why? What exactly makes us worth saving…i think the positive answers you see are motivated  simply by arrogance and selfishness.. (my opinion has always been popular.  i think i must enjoy being told to go fuck myself) How is one animal that is destroying an entire planet never mind an ecosystem worth saving. You see it on documentaries and in articles, the efforts to eradicating invasive species because of the damage the are perpetrating on ecosystems… we make cane toads and feral cats look like saints. there is not one ecosystem on the face of the planet that is not in peril because of us…. we are breeding ourselves into the ruin of everything and we can’t seem to stop ourselves… actually worse then some unseen force driving us to consume and reproduce like a rabbit or fruit fly… we are doing it consciously knowing exactly what the outcome is going to be, and we consciously have made a decision to not give a shit, to march straight off that cliff. the crime is, we are taking everything over that cliff with us. and then selfishly we ask if “WE” are worth saving?!   My answer….. NO!!!

We are so alone all 7 billion of us (thank you Ernest Cline you revolutionized my outlook)

7 billion…. lets think about 7 billion 264 million shall we (# courtesy of worldometer).. say I could fold 200 paper cranes a day/ 1400 per week/ 78,400 per year it would take me 92 thousand 653 years to fold a crane for every person on earth, and what would the population be by then?? i think 0 is a likely answer. We are all ready running a resource deficit, we have exceeded the global carrying capacity by several billion, we use 5 planet earths worth of resources every decade…. we are in serious overshoot…


People seem confused by that concept, for anyone slightly befuddled i will explain:  the earth can only produce so much every year, this includes biomass (hate that term but oh well) as well as non biological resources. each year the shear mass of humanity  consumes far more than the planet can produce in one year, so somewhere around the mid to beginning of august we enter what is call overshoot, where we are now dipping into the resources that the planet has produced over the last many millions of years. these past surpluses are limited however, they are finite and will likely not be replenished anytime in during humanities existence. so we are playing a game of continual diminishment. of course some resources like soil, our fresh water, once diminished create a cascade of further diminishing the earth ability to produce. shortening the time frame in which we enter overshoot. so we spiral down the drain faster and faster. lets add climate change, ocean acidification,  pollution  and the spreading scourge of urbanization to the mix. only place i have ended up, trying to consider all the things we are doing at once, is holy fuck… there is no other place to go, unless you are religious in mindset. in which case you go to your happy place, in the back of the closet, imagining some sick sky fairy is actually orchestrating this madness as some form of torture for sentient life….. and at some point he/she will flick the switch and say “ok i’m finished water boarding you all, lets have some paradise time”… really hope it brings you some comfort cause that god/heaven/Armageddon shit just pisses me off…. (more on that some other time)

The onion had a funny piece recently –>,36984/

But you know what it wasn’t funny because in many ways it rang very true. we pat ourselves on the back for a showing of solidarity about climate change when reality was that most of the world didn’t participate. those in the developing world, many without access to media, were too busy trying to survive that day. and the majority of us in the developed world didn’t give a shit…. when most of humanity is unable to, or actively doesn’t want change, how do a few thousand monkeys figure they are going to change things for everything and everyone? shear force of will? positive vibes? I wrote a rant the day of the big “climate march” it certainly wasn’t my finest, however the gist of it was that marching around with a sign changes nothing… never has never will. Standing up and being willing to die for what you believe in can have slightly more impact.. but when your enemy is yourself, and there are 7.2 billion more enemies at the gates…… well……

Anyway I lost my intended train of thought…. what inspired me to write was the very blue sky today, and with all the forest fires here this year the sky hasn’t been that blue for a good long while. I missed the blue, and i worry that we are heading to the day where my memories will be the only time i see that blue again… every bit of beauty i see in nature is tempered with sadness and fear, all of it is under threat, and all because some fucking monkeys don’t know how to behave….

good night for now


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